He completely ignored my suggestion. It was late, we were coming from a very crowded venue and had decided before the event started that we would walk about a mile away from the venue to catch a ride. And so, when the event was over, we walked with thousands of people down the middle of the street, past lots of places that were still open, when we had gotten his desired space from the venue, he began looking for drivers, None! He kept refreshing the app and still no cars around us. I suggested, “let’s go back and find something to eat and then we can try again”. He didn’t respond, just kept looking at the app. Now, years ago, I would have gotten mad, said something ugly and it would have resulted in a fight. And I would have been the model contentious wife. This time, I held my tongue and just let him “do his thing”. We got a ride in about 30 minutes, took 20 minutes to get to our hotel and then, he went to McDonalds for food! It was 1:30 in the morning!
We have been married more than 36 years, why in the world, would he not communicate with me about what he was thinking and planning? Wasn’t my suggestion of waiting and getting something to eat in the meantime good? (I certainly thought so). And it would have saved us money. We wouldn’t have had to eat fast food and we would have gotten to eat sooner and saved money on the ride!
As I was writing and thinking about how much I LOVE this man, this is what the Lord was teaching me:
L – Listen – to what he is not saying, I knew that in his head he had a plan, he just wasn’t sharing it. (He needed to protect us and get us home safely)
O – Observe him – what is his mood, his countenance
V – Validate him – that you trust him, believe in him
E – Evaluate – Later! Take time later to evaluate the situation with him and let him know how you feel.
We all have times in our marriages that even after 36 plus years, that our communication gets out of whack and we have to do some work to get it straightened out. These breaks in communication can be detrimental to our marriages or they can be an opportunity to build a stronger relationship. I believe that how we, as wives, handle situations in the heat of the moment will determine whether it is an opportunity or not. I also believe that we all desire to have a strong bond with our life partner. And this sacred relationship takes time, effort, energy, patience, and putting their needs about ours. In that moment, my husband’s need to get us safely back to the hotel, (protector) overrode all other things.
Sometimes, we need to let our husbands do their job and we need to just be quiet.
31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.p32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
The Holy Bible: Holman Christian standard version. (2009). (Eph 5:31–33). Nashville: Holman Bible Publishers.
Our husbands desire our Trust and Respect above all, sometimes, it is hard to navigate what that looks like in everyday situations, but we can continue to work toward that goal every day.
