It has been a while since I have written anything about caring for our aging parents, so I thought I would catch up a bit. My journey with my Dad started four years ago Memorial Day weekend officially. We had suspected that he was having issues about a year before and fortunately had taken the legal steps necessary for me to manage his affairs. (I have always found that to be such a funny statement – Manage his affairs (the last thing I want to do is manage his love life!)).
I don’t think our situation is special or unique, I live 1000 miles away, and my physical presence is needed or wanted about every 6 to 8 weeks. So, I make the trek. Why? Because it is the right thing to do and at the core, I have a responsibility to “Honor my Father.” Four years ago, we still had two children at home in High School, so we were undoubtedly prime examples of the “sandwich generation,” where we are still raising children and overseers for our parents, health, and finances. I didn’t expect to be in this position in my early 50’s. One of my grandmothers lived to be 96, and the other was 103, so I assumed that we were 20 years away from needing to be so involved.
Father’s Day 2020 – Is anything different?
This past weekend, Father’s Day was celebrated in the US. Father’s Day, like any other day with significance, can be stressful, depending on our personal experiences and circumstances. My Dad was a tyrant and abusive until Dementia landed in full force. He had a very heavy hand, an extremely biting tongue with an explosive temper. To say my brother and I was scared of him as kids is an understatement as we were on the receiving end of that explosive temper many times. The combination did not lend itself to a picture of a loving Father. I struggled many many years on Father’s day because the cards that said, “The best Dad ever,” made me sick to my stomach. I just can’t give a card that says something I just don’t feel in my heart!
Forgiveness is a choice. YES, It is a choice. And it is a choice that you and I have to make on a daily basis. We have such a beautiful example over and over in scripture of God’s forgiveness. Paul is writing to the church in Colossians 3:13:
13 accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.
Through the years as I have matured (or maybe it is because I am an imperfect parent), I have come to give grace and realize that Dad did the best he could in his circumstances. I have learned from some of his mistakes, but most of all, I have forgiven. When this journey with Dad started, I vowed to be able to stand before The Lord and say, I have honored my Father, and I have no regrets. Most days, I can say that. Some days, I have trouble with My Big Girl Pants and am whiny, but those days are short-lived.
Dear Lord, Today, help me to forgive and honor my Dad. Let me live a life that pleases you with no regrets. In Jesus name, Amen
The Holy Bible: Holman Christian standard version. (2009). (Col 3:13). Nashville: Holman Bible Publishers.
Spot on.